Those Words given by My Dad That Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father.

But the truth rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to talk among men, who often internalise harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to request a respite - spending a few days away, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."