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When I grew up in the 1990s, officials gave the impression that income inequality based on sex could be tackled by telling girls that no goal was out of reach. Bold, bright pink advertisements convinced me that structural and social impediments would fall in the face of my self-assurance.

Researchers have since disproven the idea that a person can fix their lives through positive thinking. An author, in his work Selfie, analyzes how the capitalist fallacy of fair competition supports much of personal development trends.

Yet, there is a part of me that still believes that by putting in the work and create a firm goal map, I can realize my deepest aspirations: the only thing standing between me and my destiny lies within myself. What is the path to a point of equilibrium, an equilibrium between having faith in my boundless abilities but avoiding self-reproach for all missteps?

The Solution Is Found in Self-Effacement

The resolution, according to Saint Augustine, a religious leader from Hippo, is humility. The saint noted that self-abasement served as the base of every other moral quality, and that for those pursuing divinity “the primary aspect is humility; the second, meekness; the last, lowliness”.

As someone who left the church like me, the term modesty may trigger multiple adverse reactions. I grew up during a period in Catholicism when worrying about appearance equated to narcissism; physical attraction was frowned upon apart from having children; and merely considering self-pleasure was deemed a transgression.

I doubt that Augustine planned for this, but throughout much of my life, I conflated “humility” with guilt.

Balanced Modesty Does Not Involve Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, according to mental health expert Ravi Chandra, is not about self-loathing. A person with balanced humility takes pride in their skills and achievements while admitting that learning never ends. The psychiatrist defines multiple forms of modesty: cultural humility; meekness across ages; modesty in knowledge; meekness about what one knows; modesty in abilities; appreciation for others’ wisdom; reverence for the sublime; and meekness during hardship.

Mental health investigations has similarly found a range of benefits stemming from modesty in intellect, encompassing greater resilience, patience and connection.

Modesty at Work

Through my profession providing emotional care at senior facilities, I presently consider humility as the practice of attending to others. Meekness is an act of re-grounding: returning, moment by moment, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the human being before me.

A few people who share with me identical stories drawn from their experiences, repeatedly, during each visit. Rather than counting minutes, I strive to pay attention. I try to stay curious. What insights can I gain from this human and the memories they hold onto while other things faded?

Creative Quietude

I strive to adopt the spiritual mindset that theological scholar Huston Smith termed “inventive calm”. Ancient Chinese sages encourage humans to silence the self and exist in harmony with the flow of creation.

This may be highly applicable as humans seek to repair the destruction people have inflicted to the natural world. As written in her work Fathoms: The World in the Whale, writer Rebecca Giggs notes that being humble enables us to reunite with “the primal self, the being that trembles toward the unseen". Taking a position of humility, of not-knowing, helps us recall our species is a part of a greater entity.

The Elegance of Modesty

There is a barrenness and gloom that follows assuming no limits exist: triumph – whether this means attaining riches, reducing size, or gaining political power – becomes the only acceptable option. Modesty allows for elegance and failure. I practice modesty, rooted in the earth, suggesting I have everything I need to flourish.