🔗 Share this article Navigating my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship Being a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more. Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many gay men engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, often causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance for you through mirroring what you want completely … and at another point you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.