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Encountering rejection, notably when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a firm “No.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced pitching articles 50 years back, just after college graduation. Over the years, I have had two novels declined, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous essays. Over the past 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the denials have only increased. Regularly, I get a rejection multiple times weekly—amounting to more than 100 annually. In total, denials over my career run into thousands. At this point, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

So, does this seem like a complaining outburst? Absolutely not. Since, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted rejection.

How Have I Accomplished It?

A bit of background: At this point, just about every person and their distant cousin has rejected me. I haven’t counted my success rate—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, a newspaper editor rejected 20 articles consecutively before accepting one. A few years ago, over 50 book publishers vetoed my memoir proposal before a single one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents passed on a book pitch. One editor requested that I send articles only once a month.

The Phases of Setback

Starting out, each denial stung. I took them personally. It was not just my work was being turned down, but me as a person.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• First, shock. How could this happen? Why would they be blind to my ability?
• Next, denial. Surely it’s the mistake? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What can they know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my labours? You’re stupid and their outlet is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, pleading (often seasoned with optimism). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, despair. I’m not talented. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

So it went over many years.

Great Company

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Tales of creators whose manuscripts was at first declined are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was initially spurned. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the recent history had been defeated in races. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and attempt to appear were rejected numerous times. “I take rejection as an alarm to rouse me and keep moving, not backing down,” he stated.

The Final Phase

Later, as I reached my later years, I entered the seventh stage of rejection. Understanding. Now, I more clearly see the many reasons why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or be considering a similar topic for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my idea is uninteresting. Or the reader thinks I lack the credentials or stature to succeed. Or isn’t in the field for the content I am peddling. Or was too distracted and scanned my submission hastily to see its quality.

You can call it an awakening. Any work can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Some explanations for rejection are permanently out of your hands.

Within Control

Others are within it. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my decades of effort and rejection, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve published several titles—the initial one when I was 51, the next, a personal story, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. These works have been published in newspapers big and little, in regional, worldwide outlets. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now written to various outlets for five decades.

Still, no blockbusters, no author events publicly, no spots on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily take no at 73, because my, humble achievements have softened the blows of my setbacks. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be helpful, but when you heed what it’s indicating. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. So what teachings have I acquired?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What